What I’ve learned about doing hard stuff

Do Hard Things and Feel Good

This week, Jess and I were having one of those deep kōrero about life when she pointed out something that keeps showing up for me: the link between doing hard things and feeling good.

It sounds backwards, right? We usually think happiness comes from avoiding hard stuff - taking it easy, staying comfortable. But the more I reflect on it, the more I realise that the times I’ve felt most alive, most proud of myself and the people I love, weren’t when life was easy. They were the moments we faced something tough and pushed through to the other side.

The Proof Is Everywhere

It’s easy to see this in my whānau. Our big girl started dance this year. She was nervous as hell. The first few classes? Rough. She couldn’t keep up, didn’t know the terminology, and came home frustrated. But she stuck with it. She pushed through the awkwardness, the self-doubt, the hard. And now? She loves it. She’s thriving. Not because it got easier overnight, but because she proved to herself that she could do something tough.

Same thing happened with Jess last week. Our touch team was short for the semi-final, and we needed players. Jess prefers cheering from the sidelines, not running around the field. But we twisted her arm, and she stepped up - nervous, out of her depth, worried she’d drop the ball or let a try through. But she didn’t. She played like a champ, and we won. After the game, she was buzzing. Not just because we won, but because she did something that was really hard.

Even Mana, our boy, just started an off-season footy programme. He walked in, the smallest kid there. You could see the nerves. He knew it was going to be hard to keep up. But an hour later, he came off the field grinning from ear to ear. Not because it was easy, but because he faced the hard and held his own.

Is Hard the Key to Happy?

Watching all this, I couldn’t help but wonder: Is doing hard stuff the secret to feeling good?

And if that’s true, does that mean too much comfort actually makes us feel like crap?

I’m not talking about burnout or pushing yourself to breaking point. I’m talking about meaningful challenges - the kind that stretch you, force you to grow, and leave you standing a little taller when you’re done.

It’s not just my whānau, either. I’ve been tackling some hard stuff myself lately. Not the exciting, shiny opportunities - the gritty, unsexy problems I’ve avoided for years. The kind that sit quietly in the background, chipping away at progress while you distract yourself with easier tasks.

I’ve spent years convincing myself there must be a way to build a successful business without facing those foundational problems head-on. But guess what? There isn’t. Sometimes, you just have to do the hard stuff. And you know what’s wild? Every time I make even a tiny breakthrough, it feels incredible.

Comfort Is a Trap

It’s got me thinking: maybe comfort is actually the enemy.

Because when life feels stagnant, uninspiring, or even a bit miserable, it’s rarely because we’re doing too much hard stuff. It’s usually the opposite. We’re stuck in the ease of routine, avoiding anything that challenges us.

Think about it. Exercise? Hard. But you always feel better afterwards. Having a tough conversation? Hard. But the relief after is undeniable. Learning a new skill, breaking a bad habit, chasing a big goal - it’s all hard. But it’s also where pride, growth, and joy come from.

Humans Are Built for Hard Things

Now, I’m not saying all hard things lead to happiness. There’s no joy in watching a loved one suffer or facing a personal loss. That’s just pain, plain and simple.

But the absence of meaningful challenges? That’s comfort. And comfort, when overindulged, leads to the misery of “easy”

Easy feels good in the moment, but ultimately it robs us of the deeper satisfaction that only comes from overcoming something difficult.

So What’s the Answer?

Simple: do hard things.

If you’re feeling stuck, uninspired, or just a bit flat - find something hard to do. Even if it’s getting out and tackling the weeding outside you’ve been avoiding. Just do it - you’ll feel so much better afterwards.

But seriously, push yourself in the gym. Have that uncomfortable conversation. Take on a project that scares you. Try learning a skill that scares you. Do something you’ve been avoiding.

It won’t feel good while you’re doing it. In fact it’ll probably be really hard - and suck for a bit. But when you push through? That’s when the magic happens.

We weren’t built for endless comfort. We were built to rise to challenges, to test our limits, and to grow stronger in the process.

So… easy feels nice - but I’m warning you, don’t let it trap you for too long. Let’s embrace the hard stuff too! Because hard is the path to something far better: pride, progress, and the deep, lasting satisfaction of knowing you didn’t back down.

Ngā mihi,

Anton