Tall Poppy Syndrome

There’s something unique about the way we treat success in this country. I wish I could say it’s always positive, but we all know that’s not true.

Here in Aotearoa, we have a habit of cutting down people who dare to rise above the crowd. We’ve even got a name for it: Tall Poppy Syndrome. And honestly, it’s something we need to talk about. Because let’s be real - it’s a pretty crap attitude.

It’s in the sideways comments, the snarky social media posts, the backhanded compliments. It’s in the quiet whispers and loud criticisms, all aimed at people who’ve worked their asses off to achieve or build something meaningful to them, or chase a dream. And for what? To bring them down a peg or two? To make ourselves feel better?

We’re hypocrites! We tell our tamariki to dream big, aim high, and reach for the stars - but not too high!

We pump them full of inspiration when they’re young, but the moment they start to succeed, the tone changes. Suddenly, it’s, “Who the hell do they think they are?” or “They’re getting too big for their boots.”

It’s like we’re afraid of success - at least, when it’s not ours.

And I get it. Success can be confronting. When someone else does well, it can make us reflect on where we’re at, and sometimes that reflection is uncomfortable. It’s easier to pull someone down than to look in the mirror and ask why we’re not climbing higher ourselves.

Here in Aotearoa, we value humility and I love that about us. We also dislike arrogance.

There’s something grounding about staying connected to who you are and where you’ve come from. But somewhere along the way, we’ve blurred the lines between humility and shrinking ourselves.

Being humble doesn’t mean you can’t stand tall. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t push yourself to do awesome things with the short amount of time we have. It’s about doing those things with integrity, knowing that your success doesn’t make you better than anyone else. And basically not being a dick.

But it also doesn’t make you less deserving of celebrating what you’ve achieved.

And that’s where we need a mindset shift, because the truth is, success isn’t like a pie. Someone else’s big slice doesn’t make yours smaller. Success is more like a rising tide - it lifts everyone and there is an unlimited amount to go around everyone - so don’t worry.

When someone achieves something great, it’s not taking anything away from you. If anything, it’s showing you what’s possible. It’s a chance to learn, to be inspired, and to celebrate what happens when hard work and passion pay off.

Look, I’ve been on both sides of it. I’ve been the one cutting someone down, and I’ve been the one being cut down. Neither feels good.

I’ve cut people down before. Usually its in private or often its an inside thought to myself. If I’m being honest, it’s a potent cocktail of a little bit of jealousy, a dash of disappointment in myself, shaken over a whole lot of excuses as to why that person is doing better than I wish I was - and it tastes yuck and it’s called Tall Poppy Syndrome.

I’ve been that person before. I hate it. That bitter aftertaste lingers - a sense that you’re better than that but didn’t act like it.

But then what happens if everyone else around you agrees with your shitty attitude because they too are enjoying the same cocktail - we start to believe Tall Poppy Syndrome is okay - and it’s not.

And when you’re on the receiving end, it’s a whole other kind of pain. It makes you question everything: Should I stop? Should I shrink? Should I stop chasing what I’m chasing so people stop talking?

What if, instead, we celebrated ambition, creativity, and hard work? What if we encouraged our tamariki not just to dream big but to be proud of the work it takes to get there? What if we created a culture where success wasn’t met with suspicion but with curiosity and support?

Imagine what Aotearoa could look like if we spent less time tearing each other down and more time lifting each other up. Imagine if we saw someone standing tall and thought, “Good on them! What can I do to stand taller too?”

Because the thing about cutting down tall poppies is that it leaves the field looking pretty damn average.

So here’s my challenge to all of us (myself included): lets take Tall Poppy Syndrome off the menu. Resist the urge to make that cutting comment or think that negative thought. Instead, ask yourself how you can support them, learn from them, or be inspired by them.

And if you’re one of those tall poppies, keep standing tall. Don’t shrink yourself to make other people feel comfortable. Your success is not something to be ashamed of. But don’t be a dick.

A rising moana lifts all waka. Let’s rise together.

Ngā mihi,
Anton