I Promise To Wave Back
Reflections on Loneliness, Community & Connection
This week on our podcast Beyond the Hustle, I had the privilege of sitting down with someone I really enjoy - Carl Davidson, founder of Truwind Research First and a long-time supporter of our kaupapa at Hustle Group. We’ve known each other for about a decade, and we always chat, but this time we got to have a proper sit-down kōrero. And I loved it!
Carl’s work is grounded in social science - not just to understand the world, but to change it. He dropped some heavy, eye-opening truth bombs about social health, loneliness, and the myths we tell ourselves as a society.
Here’s the one that’s been rolling around in my head ever since: 1 in 12 of us are chronically lonely. Not just “I feel a bit off today” or “I enjoy spending time on my own sometimes” but lonely. We’re talking deep, ongoing, “I don’t know when I last felt truly connected” lonely.
As someone who spends hours upon hours everyday, having face to face conversations, that really surprised me. I guess I hadn’t really ever considered it.
What really got me was the idea that our cafes, restaurants, pubs, gyms, kura… our so called “third spaces” might be the only form of human connection some people experience in a day. We live in a world where so much is now done online and we’re working remotely more than ever. Sure, we’re “networking online” but are we really connected?
For some, they work from home all day. So that 30-second kōrero at the counter, or that chat while they wait for their coffee to be made could well be the only IRL (in real life) interaction they have that day.
For me, it was a great reminder that a smile when I hand over a guests flat white, or a short convo at the till while they pay their table off, might mean so much to that person today.
I’ve always believed in the power of hospitality. The manaakitanga, the vibe, the connection. But this kōrero reminded me that it’s about so much more than good food and fast service. It’s about creating spaces where people feel seen. Where they can belong, even if just for a moment.
Carl said something so simple but so powerful:
“Most people won’t wave. But everyone waves back.”
Kind of like smiling, it’s contagious, but sometimes it can feel socially awkward to wave or smile at someone. But we should wave, because its important to connect.
We should smile first. Say kia ora first. Introduce ourselves. Talk to our neighbours when we take the bins out. Look up and say “mōrena” when we pass someone on our morning walk. And encourage our tamariki to go and knock on the doors of their mates and just play together.
Don’t underestimate the power of those little moments. They might seem small to us, but they could mean everything to someone else.
We love to point the finger at social media like it's the root of all disconnection, anxiety, and loneliness. But as Carl pointed out in our kōrero, maybe social media isn’t the problem. Maybe it’s just a symptom. A response to a world we’ve designed where real-life connection has become harder to access. Where our streets aren’t built for lingering, our homes face inward, and our lives are increasingly lived behind closed doors. Social media fills the gaps we’ve created. It’s not the cause of disconnection, it’s a reflection of it.
I valued my time to connect with Carl. It was thought provoking and has made me think a lot more about being more intentional in my moments to connect.
If you want to watch the full kōrero, you can do that here.
I hope to see you around and if you see me first, wave. I promise to wave back!
Ngā mihi,
Anton